"Where Does Self Damage Come From"

"Where Does Self Damage Come From" 

Self damage thrives on your negative mentality and way of thinking. It gains power from failed relationships and friendships. It grows with fear, and blossoms in self doubt and lack of confidence. It manifests in jealousy and shortages of self esteem. It finds familiarity in loss of faith. It matures in immaturity and develops in an absence of self development. It evolves when you don't evolve,  and prospers when you give up trying to prosper. Self damage becomes inspired when you lack inspiration.
It is a disease, an unrecognized and undiagnosed disease. This disease creeps in and snatches up pieces of your happiness and steals your life while you're still living it. It refills your biggest doubts, fears and sorrows. You often wonder why you feel so heavy, so overloaded and so fed up with it all? How can you stop feeding it and begin to live the life that you deserve?


Read my 3rd Book coming- Summer  of 2017

"Managing My Damaging Self"

The Key to Recognizing and Repairing the Damaged Self.

By: Sonia Olivia Williams

" I Won't Forget You"

" I Won't Forget You"

 

I don't think they ever knew my name. I'm fine with that. It's completely understandable that new names don't really matter in this space. The space between a long life lived and a short journey left till death. What they did know was my voice, my friendly smile, my delicate mannerisms, and my caring ways. They knew my heart and they knew it cared. They knew they could dependably see me at the desk or walking the aisles, when daughters, sons and other family members didn't show up. The same ones they wait and long to see, I often became the acceptable fill in, even if only for the moment that I was needed. 

They know that I haven't forgotten them as I sit and listen to the old timer jokes, the wit, the sarcasm, the wisdom. I listen intensively to stories of history, depression and war. I soak up their life and experiences like sand on the beach as if this has to be too good to be true. 

I knew that I could never forget them. Each face etched into my soul, and attaching itself to my spirit. Knowing that these priceless moments will come and go too fast. The repetitive and painful sounding coughs are a reminder of the physical weakness, and as I'm looked at through glossy and sore red eyes I know that to them I am but an unbalanced blur. The runny noses and clammy shaky hands often embrace mine with a grip that must take enormous effort and strength. 

I won't forget you I think to myself, staring into a face that I never knew as unwrinkled but still being so handsomely beautiful. I won't forget you I think, as I lean down to give a hug so gentle in fear of throwing them off balance. 

The many abilities we take for granted they know only death can return to them. Sight, balance, hearing, memory, loss, loved ones, strength, hope, faith. 

I listen patiently as their mind skips from past to present, sometimes the past or future being the present. The confusion, fear, irritation when they can't remember. The solace in their faces if they do remember becoming suddenly transformed into confusion as they struggle to remember where they are, and how this isn't home. But it is home, and with a soft reminder they are calm again. I ignite the fireplace early for the night owls, just in case one comes slowly walking down the hall longing for comfort and warmth in the chair next to the crackling fire. I sit next to them with open ears listening to what's on their mind and hearts that's keeping them awake, soaking it all in like sand on the beach. I won't forget you I think to myself, so grateful that I was one of their last stops in their beautiful journey of life.

" FROM LOSS TO GAIN"

" From Loss to Gain"

Wishing strength at this time of sadness and Mourning. Loss is hard, and overwhelming: 
One can only try to find comfort in knowing that an angel is gained.
An angel that is now closer to you than ever before.
There are no more- boundaries or limitations.
Nothing can keep you apart in your mind and your heart.

Fighting back the tears, the aches are so serious.
When one disappears, is robbed from their years, leaves me curious.
It rekindles my fears, leaves me hurt and so furious.

Wishing strength at this time of sadness, for my angel was here-
living with me through madness.
existing, in this world where shit happens.
enlisting, and we dealt through the sadness.

From loss to gain, I pray to my angel
that I don't go insane.
please.......
reverse from grave to cradle
if your able.
My brother, My father, My friend.
My sisters, My cousins,
The Mothers- Grandmothers;
Amen.......................................................

"Almost Extinct"

She rises early 

To make her bread....

And stays up late, 

To clear her head.....

She knows her way

Doesn't need a guide.....

Wont go back to any

That left her side.......

She has many friends 

Although some unworthy......

Shakes plenty of hands

even those undeserving.......

With a smile on her face

No how's and no why's......

She handles her business 

With her eyes on the prize.......

She raises her children 

With all that she has.......

She puts family first

And still gives them her last .......

An average woman 

She never could be.......... 

If you see her, better grab her

She's almost extinct..........

"Painful Immunity"

The warm tears

So badly burn as they reach the top of my lip. 

Still untouched. I let them sit

Like an endless time-out after torture. 

Silent treatment, to one who can't hear. 

But I'm still here, and I hear. 

My heart pulled from its womb, 

of my mind..... Only my mind. 

Grateful I've only loved with my mind. 

Painful immunity every time.

"100% Mixed"

Mixed comes in all skin colors, hair textures, eye colors and walks and talks of life. You will never be able to create one model or mold of what we should all look like. Never believe that you're not light enough, you're not dark enough, your hair is not curly or straight enough,. "Our looks do not define us. They don't now, and they never will"

"Through our existence, people that once never associated will associate. Cultures, traditions, and religions, that never crossed will intertwine. Multiple languages will be heard in one household at the same time. It is our existence that can bridge the gaps of racism, hatred and ignorance. Our existence and determination to accept all that we are all of the time, never in shame but with our heads held high. A pride within us, that will not be tainted. To be one, to be many, to be parts of, to be whole. We are one hundred percent mixed and proud. We should never feel like we have to add to or reject any parts of the core of who we are. 

Author Sonia Olivia Williams on behalf of www.ogmixedgirls.com 

"Dark Promises"

I promise you a lack of sleep, 

No permission to be tired. 

Anxiety after we meet, 

The worry keeps you wired. 

The quietness, while the house 

rests, 

But your thoughts have all arrived.

The daily tasks, obstacles and tests,

That keep you sleep deprived. 

I promise you, only the moon, 

Is what the darkness said. 

You try to leave me way too soon, 

How dare you go to bed. 

And every promise darkness made, 

Has finally come to light, 

The sun shines through my window pane, 

But we'll meet again tonight.